I have two older daughters, ( ages 4 and 3 from a previous marriage) and one baby daughter from my fiance. my two older daughters have to leave me every other friday and saturday to be with their biological father aka, my ex whom i left because of his mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
All the hours they spend away from me my heart feels broken. like a piece of it broke off and fell into the pit of my stomach. i have been fighting with my ex for two years now, not including all the time we spent fighting in our marriage, first about him seeing his children at all. i had to tell him about the times they cried for him and all the questions about why he didn't answer their calls or call them back, or come to see them. after a while they got used to it and he would only make it a point to see them when the visit involved his parents.
on one occasion i found out that the few weekends he had taken them to his parents house, in the city where we grew up, he would leave after they fell asleep to go get drunk with his old friends. on the last weekend i let him do this i found out that he was lying to me about my girls even being with him in the day time. they were with his mom and he didn't know where she was.
needless to say, this behavior put a stop to his weekend trips out of town with them. i also put him on a schedule, outlining the days i was legally bound to let him see them. this started us fighting about me being controlling and how he couldn't deal with only getting to be with "his" daughters except on certain days, even though he has since spent more time with them than he ever had since we split.
those of you who know me know who im talking about. and only a few of you know the whole story. but i started writing this because of another blogger (thanks for your inspiration, you really got me thinking) who wrote about dead beat dads. i commented to that blogger that i wish everyday that i had picked a better man to be the "other half of my children's dna" but the truth is that i picked who i picked and i and all three of my daughters and any other children myself and my fiance have must live with the effects of that. my baby daughter knows when her big sisters are gone. and our days without my baby girls are hard.
i am incredibly blessed though. i am blessed with a man who loves me and our children... because all three of them are his.
and he doesn't blame me for my past mistakes and he loves me for who i am today.
neither of us are perfect and we have our battles, but i know that i can get through anything because i have him by my side.
back to the reason for writing this...
there are many women out there who have been through and are going through what i have gone through with their "dead beat dads," and they keep looking for love, except that they just can't seem to find a good man to help them raise their children, and i'm not claiming to know that magic spell to get you that special, unique man, but it is possible to find someone to accept you and your kids, a GOOD someone. not just someone that makes you feel secure, not just someone that makes you feel pretty, not just someone who is nice to your kids in the beginning, but an actually good man.