It's been really great for me these past few days! I have become a Miche bag representative and if you don't know what a Miche bag is then visit my website at mymichebag.com/alexis_anaya
At this site you can check out all the Miche has to offer. I am very very glad for this in my life because truthfully I have been having a hard time feeling in control of the things that I do. I stay at home with my three children, all under the age of 5 and my fiance is also here because his father is sick and we are taking care of him.
I love my fiance and he is such a strong and loving man, but because I don't bring in any money of my own I feel like I must ask for permission for things that I want.
I have looked very deep into myself as I have been asking why do I feel this way. I take care of my household and have sacrificed a lot to help my father in law be as comfortable as he can. Why can I not just declare that I need something and give it to myself?
The answer to this question lies with my ex husband. Without going into to much detail I want to say that my being IE, physical, emotion and mental, needs were not being met and were, in effect, being abused. The result being that I did not feel that I was worth anything that I asked for, and that I only had a right to have or want something if I earned it myself.
Now, I am not meaning to say that my fiance continues this pattern in our relationship. But I feel the effects of this previous abuse still.
As I am not as strong in my own person yet to believe my fiance when he tells me that I don't have to ask permission to get something that I need, I decided that I wanted to pursue a part time job where I can still care for my house and home and bring in some income to bring up my self esteem and self worth. So far, I am loving it!
I hope that I can continue to grow and love myself in the true spirit of Valentine's Day , The way St. Valentine was inspired by our Lord to love others.
I am a work in progress, I understand that, and my goal is to get to a place where I feel that I am equal to my fiance and that I deserve to have what I need because I am worth it. But I recognize the places where I need work and because of this recognition, I have some hope of overcoming it.
Now, speaking of Valentine's, my honey and I celebrated on Saturday and it started with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and one of my favorite gourmet cookies. We then had lunch in this beautiful and private restaurant (Jinja), the same restaurant where we spent our first Valentine's Day together, and then we went to the movies to watch, "True Grit". It was lovely. My fiance also entertained the idea to make me and our family dinner and when he asked me what I wanted to have I told him Arby's. It was great!
I love that he loves me and that he encourages me to love myself. And that when we are weak and we love ourselves more than we love each other, we can see how we are wrong and forgive the other. I am learning so much about the way I can and should be and about the way a healthy relationship can and should be. I am very happy with all the learning and loving and I can only live my life striving to learn and love more and more everyday.